The Fear of Unfaithful Men - Blog Reader's Memo to Ladies Scared of Marriage

This is a response to my latest Blogger's Diary,(My Shocking Encounter with the Unfaithful Husband).It was sent in by blog reader ,Amy George ..Enjoy and share your thoughts..

I really do read and enjoy your bloggers diaries until yesterday when I  saw some " UNFAITHFUL HUSBAND ISSH"
I'd let it pass by but some   comments like; "Marriage sef dey fear me.God have mercy" "im scared of getting married"... left my mouth open like some hungry glutton lol.

 Maybe I'm not alone in this journey.  Most marriages fail because of infidelity, most people cheat on their spouses, and I hear it's extremely difficult to find someone who will always be faithful and trust-worthy.
     Some years back, I pictured  myself 50 years of my age,  Living old and alone with many adopted children,  because of my fear of being cheated on and being hurt by the man I love, and it freaks me out! It sucks because I want to be loved and I have so much love to give, but I really don't wanna fall in love with someone who would lie to me, betray me and make me feel like fool.

Really! Amy you do not want to be lonely and do not want to be betrayed or hurt either? Unfortunately, there is no solution that guarantees happiness except you.   If you have a desire for a relationship, you have to risk it. Cheating is not as inevitable as you make it out to be.  "I thought by myself".

" hummmm like i forgot infidelity ain't just on the men's side alone neither does it happen only in marriages.   Okay!!! If everybody should blame the opposite sex, maybe we should turn gays and start up a gay marriage!  But chill; is there any guarantee that gays don't cheat too?  We only trying to create "Gamophobia" (fear of marriage) within us.

It’s easy to conceive why a cheating spouse can spell out the bitter end of what might otherwise have been a forever thing. It’s not just the physical betrayal, but also the loss of trust and the emotional infidelity, particularly for women. A partner being unfaithful can also trigger intense levels of depression, low self esteem, low self worth and feelings of abandonment for the person who was cheated on. No one wants to feel as though their partner simply found someone better than they are, that they weren’t good enough to love forever.

 All of this adds up to make complete sense of the fear that many people feel towards the possibility of infidelity in their relationship.
But when it comes down to it, the fear of being cheated on is a personal insecurity that only you can change.
Don’t get me wrong. If you’ve been cheated on before, I know it’s hard to trust again. Believe me, I’ve been there. But there comes a point when you have to stop punishing yourself and say ‘What they did was about them, not about me’.

They chose to cheat because of the kind of person they are, because of the circumstances they allowed themselves to become involved in, not because you weren’t good enough. Like I commented on yesterday's post  " Men don’t just cheat because their partner isn’t giving them enough. Sometimes, their partners can be giving them everything in the world, thinking nothing is wrong and have all of that come crashing down on you, men just do this because they CAN…Because they WANT to, because they have boundaries they are unable to maintain…And because they lack the respect for themselves to maintain these boundaries and the commitments they made" (Not just men. "WE").

Yet, it’s hard to believe that when you’ve been betrayed and your relationship has been fractured, and you express the fear that remains with the following kinds of actions or behaviour:
Insecurity about personal looks and attributes, Checking in on where the other person is going, or has been, Snooping on phones, A general lack of trust about the things the other person says or does  E.T.C...  All of these responses are understandable, but they are also complete energy and time wasters. "Obsessing about your partner cheating won’t stop it from happening".

 No matter how much time you spend controlling and trying to prevent your partner straying, if the person you are in love with, is the kind of person to be disloyal, then all of the energy you put into worrying about whether they will cheat won’t stop it from happening. You can’t control what another person does. You can only control how you think, feel and behave.

 One thing to always remember is that you can't control everything. You can't control ANYONE. That saying "it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" is so true.
     Look reality in the face,  accept it, and watch it become less scary.