Blogger's Diary -My First Man and the experience which changed my world

I've been called emotionless..Maybe I truly am..Maybe I don't believe in marriage..'Yep! I said it. *sips juice* and maybe I'm on the verge of concluding love is just a fallacy and doesn't exist.(Apologies to all my married readers..I love you)..I believe marriage is just sticking with someone else's bull shit and accepting it and I have zero tolerance for bull shit so I wonder how that would work..lol

No,my stance has nothing to do with Wiz Khalifa, cheating on Amber Rose,nor does it have anything to do with rumours of Jay Z cheating on Beyonce..It also has nothing to do with the married Nigerian celebs who profess undying love for their wives on social media yet, have hordes of girlfriends allover..Some even commenting on the same post with awwwww.ooops let me zip it here..


I'm not one who is easily swayed by pop culture. My decisions are influenced by reality. Things I see,feel,experience first hand ‎and trust me when it comes to marriage..Damn! I've seen enough to make me not want to go into it.

I wasn't always like this. In my pre-marriage disbelief world, I was to be married at 20, be done with having kids by 25‎,then spend the rest of my years nurturing them, being a working class lady, and having people say "Oh my! Your kids look like your sisters ".

Yes, I wanted to be like my mum who makes heads turn whenever they hear she actually gave birth to 5 kids with the first going on 30.But my perfect life was not complete without a man like my father. Yes! The quest for a man like my father has cost me some relationships.

I grew up knowing men were supposed to be faithful to their wives even when they go for years without seeing them. I grew up knowing a father would cook and wash his kids clothes even when they were big enough to do that. I grew up with a man who sacrificed his comfort, his life, his social life just so his children never lacked. I grew up with a man who stayed committed to one woman, even when the world knew he was being foolish, even when she made her decision to dump him, a man who have his all for her..put her through school..practically made her a city girl *sigh* I'm digressing now

..I grew up ‎knowing it was ok, for a man to weep uncontrollably, to not eat,not change clothes or shave, just because the woman he loved didn't want him no more..A man who wouldn't let us eat rice on Christmas day because he was worried the money he sent his wife who was miles away didn't get to her in time for Christmas This was the man I knew,this was the same kind of man who was going to be my husband ‎.All men were like this.

And I swore I would be that woman who would never make a man pass through what my dad did.To me,men were saints and we women, were evil.

So at the age of 17. I met my first man.He was not my first love..My first love was agape kind of love..My first experience was a horrible one .But this was my first relationship...Mr Biggs had just opened ‎in Jos and I was crazy about that place because of the ice cream. Even though my house was 30 minutes by cab, I made sure I was there everyday.

I had just gained admission to study diploma in Law and on one of such days, I went over to buy my usual ice cream.I was heading out when I bumped into him.

Sorry ' he said ‎and I glanced at the floor, waiting for him to step aside"Very beautiful girl". He said further and stepped aside with a smile. 

I blushed. I already knew I was beautiful. *i see you zooming in on my profile pic. Haha* (Life has taken a huge chunk out of it..)Seriously, I knew that from the way people stared whenever I passed by. I was practically hit on daily by men in droves ‎. Some 'bad " girls in school took it upon themselves to protect me from guys. And I thanked them for their selflessness till I discovered they were lesbians..

Well, being very smart, I knew men were no good, so I made sure I was extra careful.

But this man was different. He wasn't like the school boys I was used to seeing. He looked responsible, well to do and powerful "..And I was really flattered such ‎a man called me beautiful.
Those thoughts were intercepted by my frustration at having to wait for a taxi to no avail some meters away ‎.

I decided to take a bike and I knew my dad would skin me alive if he caught me on a bike. But I needed to be home as my ice cream was fast melting. As I negotiated with the bike man, I heard an impatient honk of a car, the bike man cleared out of the way and there was that same stranger in the sleekest ride I had ever seen. There was an elderly man with him.

Hello, smallie..Don't tell me you trying to get on a bike. Do you want to break your tiny legs?

He said with a smile. I was dumbfounded..

Where are you headed? H‎e inquired

"Ermm,sorry sir, I'm not going your way"- I replied

"I didn't ask if you were going my way‎. It's getting late, let me drop you off"

Noo..Sorry ‎.I don't enter lifts please. I said moving away with the elderly man breaking into a smile.

He stepped down from his car ‎and walked towards me

Wait wait..He dipped his hand in his pocket and produced a business card

'See..I'm a business man‎. I don't bite. With me is the controller general of Nigerian export promotion council.. Responsible people. I just want to drop you off."

He walked towards his car, opened the back door and beckoned at me to get inside.After my persistent refusal ‎.He said

 "Ok..I will wait for you to get a car,not a bike and I will follow you to ensure you are safe

I'm not a kid. I'm in the University. I fired back, feeling some what belittled

Hahahaha.You? University. Smallie stop lying ok. What class are you in secondary school.

Gosh I hated my small statue. I was too tiny and premature looking I insisted and told him I was studying a diploma in law ‎.He then asked if I knew a certain guy which I did. It turned out to be his brother.

Armed with that new information, I found myself getting comfortable and he drove me home. As we were approaching my house, I spotted my dad going in..Oh no oh no, I dived for cover..what's that, they both turned back alarmed ‎

Ermm drop me here ‎..I said with desperation

He stopped the car and before you could say jack Robinson, I bolted towards the house, not bothering to say thank you.

I forgot about him for a week, till a neighbor told me, 

Emeh there is one man who has been coming here for a week to look for one girl he said is in Law. He said he doesn't know her name just wondering if it's you.

"Noo can't be me. Don't know anyone who knows my house let alone has the guts to look for me.

"I'm sure he is looking for one of these runs girls who has chopped his money. He looks very rich and is always changing cars.My neighbor reasoned

I agreed. There were so many high class unibabes in my area.It was a Sunday when I heard my dad's shouting at the top of his voice

"You say you came to see who? My daughter? Who are you and why?

Sir, My name is E.We are class mates.There is an assignment

Oh shit! I jumped up from the sofa ,that was his voice ..Peeping through the blinds, I listened intently as he struggled to explain his reason for being at my house

"Young man ,do you know my daughter just celebrated her 17th birthday? Do you know that?How dare you come here with your stolen car and cultish looking eyes to deceive my small daughter. Do you want to die?My dad said menacingly .I could see him backing away gradually 

Sir, I mean no harm..I just 

You are still talking..Anyi,Anyi..my dad called out my younger sister's name ..Bring me my gun..Not  the dane gun,my Ak47..Its under the bed .Hurry..

Oh my daddy.He had no gun but his trick always seemed to work even when feeble minded thieves came calling ....

I saw E Bolt out of our compound and start his car,zooming off...

After that, my dad came int o the living room.Without saying a word i began to explain

He gave me some assignments to do daddy.You know these men who don't attend school and all.But i didn't do it..

"I don't want to see that man here again"

 He said and went into his room,shutting the door 

1 week later, i was exiting my lecture hall when I saw him.

Emeh my smallie .I frooze. Won't you say hi to me ..If for nothing, for the fact that i almost lost my life because of my desire to see you..

You heard my father.I'm just 17.Please leave me alone ..I sid walking away as fast as my legs could carry me..

Please please Emeh hear me out ...He grabbed my arm gently.If you don't like what i'm going to say, feel free to never talk to me again..

And that was the beginning of my friendship with E...E taught me everything .Things i was ashamed of asking my father .Things I needed a mother to tell me .E spoilt me silly with gifts.He would travel and return with the best clothes, shoes and jewelries .I would leave the house in a normal attire and then change into what he bought ..

Back then he also had one of the biggest boutiques in Jos,and sold cars too ..He was patronized by the rich and powerful. E started to leave me with his key and travel.I started to spend less time at home and because of my good grades and the little time i spent at home, i was reading, my dad had no reason to doubt I was at the Library or with good friends in school reading ..

I would get out of my lecture hall and there he was, standing and waiting for me .And so the cycle continued.But he never laid an amourous hand on me .Never tried to get sexual.But by this time, everyone knew him in school.All the guys miraculously kept off .

On my 18th birthday ,i was home when I heard the sound of a car.I looked out and i saw my dad step down from E's car.They were laughing like friends who hadn't seen each other in years.

Come in ..come in..My dad beckoned

I watched him come in with my dad and i was confused.How did they become friends?What changed? Why didn't he tell me he had been speaking with my dad.

As soon as they stepped in..My dad said
 Emeh ,come and greet my young friend
I came out reluctantly

This is E, get him something to eat.He is the brother of one very lovely Igbo woman who is married to a Cameroonian.He said he was passing by and his sister had told him so many things about me and he decided to visit us..

It was clear my dad didn't recognize he was the same person he tried to shoot.

He humbly declined the food offer but said he brought some items from the village..He  needed help getting them from the car so being the only one at home, my dad asked me to get them.

Stepping out, I hurriedly asked him what was happening . He said he would explain later,and so i brought in the food stuff, chickens etc.

He told my dad he had to rush somewhere..Not after feigning ignorance to ask my dad if i was his first child..

Yes she is,my dad said with pride.She would soon be a lawyer and I have a special gun to shoot any man who comes close .My dad said with a slight hint of warning.

He got the message..He left and then called me. I had a secret phone he bought .
I pretended to go and buy something and rushed to meet him..And he said today , you are officially 18,and my wife to be .See you tomorrow .

I was shocked and honestly didn't know what to make of the situation.But I knew i was so fond of him.We had never been apart unless when he traveled.I was closer to him than my own dad or  younger sister..

And so our relationship began.It was so intense that I had no space to breathe, to make friends, keep friends.

And he was always around.He had become my father's close friend.He would come and they would gist for hours. My father would confide in him. On this particular day, my dad told him if he were a greedy father, he would be very rich because an extremely wealthy man had asked for my hand in marriage .
I saw the colour drain from his face

My dad then said there was no way i would get married to a man without a masters degree.He also said and that man must also have a masters degree  .He called the man who asked for my hand in marriage ,a joker who thinks offering him a jeep would make him sell his daughter..

After that conversation, I noticed E became more possessive .the fancy clothes stopped, the make up was frowned at .He would take me to school, wait and take me home.He would take me to the market .

Then he surprised me with and admission letter .He was now studying Business Administration, Part -Time.
Then he began to teach me how to drive,promising to buy me my own jeep to take to school if i remained a good girl ..

I was choking.I was alienated from people my own age.He was 30 and i was 18.
Then one day, a female classmate invited me to her birthday party at home.We used to be friends before I met E.So I feigned illness and told him I couldn't come to his house that day.If for nothing, it was getting to two years of being with this man every single day...

He said ok..and hung the phone..

I had dressed up and told my dad about the party,he knew her and her family and confirmed from her dad.He let me go. As I exited the gate. My jaw dropped .It was E ,waiting for me with such fury I had never seen..

He broke into a smile" My smallie..where are you off too"...

I'm going to Rekiya's birthday.She told my dad and he said i should go.

Oh your dad..That's interesting.She told your dad.Did she tell me ?

I was wondering why she needed to tell him when he said ..

Get in the car let me drop you off

I was relieved. Atleast he wasn't angry.He had never gotten angry with me.

I got in and we drove off.15 minutes later,he was driving in another direction.Towards the abandoned National Stadium in Jos .It had a large field where people usually learnt to drive but was also notorious as a hideout for robbers, thugs,drug peddlers..We were there once for driving lessons and he didn't like the place and we left

What are we doing here? I asked as he drove further towards an isolated area.
Oh..I'm meeting up with someone here..

Didn't sound reasonable.Why not meet in his office?I shrugged it off.He finally parked at a very isolated place but i could see a few people far off..

Then I made to open the car door when i felt a thunderous sound ..Was that me?Did some one hit me?The car? I felt numb and turned towards him when this time, i felt the pain as his clenched fist landed on my jaw..

BOOOM..That was the sound. I was dazed as i felt my eyes go bloodshot..I made to ask him why when I saw the third blow coming
 Omg he was going to kill me in this bush.Something was wrong.I blocked my face with my arm and the blow made my arm numb with pain .I tried to open the door but he kept punching me ,tearing my clothes to shreds..so I closed in on him ,protecting my head by placing on his chest while he struggled to aim for my head,he kept punching me as i gathered the courage to scream ..
Then he began..

You want to leave me? You want to cheat..After all I did for you?I picked you up from the gutter.I cleaned you up from when you were a baby .This is what you want to pay me back with ?

He kept raining blows on me while i got too weak to scream.I just kept feeling the thud ,faintly, the pain was faint now..I could hardly hear him but i know he was screaming ..

ie, die.you would die before you leave me.I went to school for you, I fought my family for you, I left every girl for you..Die die..

Yes..dying would be much relief i thought as i gradually slipped towards unconsciousness..

The last thing i heard was Emeh..Emeh..don't die on me.Emeh, wake up ..Was he crying?Emeh, I love you..I'm so sorry my smallie..

I tried so hard to open my eyes but I couldn't and I found myself falling into a deep sleep...


Sorry..to be continued ..................................Sunday(PART 2 HERE)