I woke up to a phone call from a friend ”Emeh, I need to see you now”. I was taken aback by the frantic tone in her voice."This one you called this morning, hope all is well"?I asked
Emeh ohh I said i love surprises and i got the biggest surprise of my life..."She said ."'What happened nah..tell me? Did he propose"? I replied excitedly.."Calm down,I can't tell you over the phone. I'm coming over to your place" she said and hung up.
I could guess her boyfriend proposed to her. She loved surprises and her boyfriend was fond of surprising her with gifts, trips and all. However, I had developed a phobia for surprises.My rule is,If you don't want to be surprised, don't surprise me. lol
My friend had been dating her boyfriend for 2 years. On many occasions, she would go pay him a visit with her roommate in school. 3days back was her birthday. So she went to her boyfriend’s house with her friend as he promised to give her some money that night.
After seeing him, he gave her 20,000naira and they left. Her friend told her she was going to spend the night at her own boyfriend’s house and would meet her at home the next morning. So they parted ways.
On getting home, my friend realized she forgot her 2nd phone at her boyfriend’s place. She tried to call but his phone was switched off so was hers, and so she decided to rush over to his place to get it. On getting there, she knocked. He answered and when he heard her voice, he was silent for a minute.”What are you doing here babe”? He asked from inside
”Open the door abeg” my friend yelled “ermm,.. where is the key..erm,I can’t find the key” he yelled while he apparently rummaged through the room for the missing key. It took him a while then she heard him spraying the room” Why are you spraying the room? Open the door for me” she said while wondering the reason for his recent action”
“’No just mosquitoes, I want to spray the room””. Fiddling with the door knob, he opened the door and to her surprise blocked her path, locking the door behind him.
Honey, let’s go to your house and spend the night instead”, the mosquitoes here are unbearable “’ he said leading her away. But I came to get my phone, my flabbergasted friend retorted.” Oh let me go and get it. Just wait for me here” He headed back and opened the door. My friend followed and realized he had bolted it behind him,. At that moment, she grew suspicious. Then she heard whispers. He suddenly came out and my friend insisted she wanted to get in to which he gave more excuses about mosquitoes…then she said ,”what are you hiding in there””. “Hiding? How do you mean? I just don’t want to stay inside because of mosquitoes.”
My friend said “she didn’t mind. So, he reluctantly allowed her get inside .On getting in, the room was well arranged with everything in place. Have you seen what you are searching for” he asked her irritatingly. She smiled and realized she was just being suspicious when she saw the outline of what looked like a shadow in the bathroom.
“Who is in the bathroom”? She asked. “I said I’m alone here, or do you want to check that too? And If you don’t see anyone, it’s over. I can’t deal with a girlfriend who doesn’t trust me.
“I just want to pee nah.Calm down” As she made to open the bathroom door , he shouted “Surpriseeeeeeeeeeee’” and the door flung open revealing her best friend who came out jumping excitedly”..they both yelled in unison “surpriseeeeeeeee”
My friend was stunned, speechless and taken aback.
“Before she could collect her thoughts” her friend started rambling “’you know tomorrow is your birthday, so we decided to meet tonight to plan something special for you. Now you have spoilt our plans.” Her boyfriend nodded in agreement.
She couldn’t believe this. What effrontery! What lies! What foolery? Her boyfriend and best friend were sleeping together and they had the guts to hide under the guise of a surprise? Did they really think she was that dumb? She smiled calmly and replied “Wow, I really ruined your surprise didn’t I”?
They nodded in unison. “I need some water” she said and headed towards the kitchen. Downing a glass of cold water, an idea hit her and she smiled to herself .30 seconds later, she emerged from the kitchen and said “ Since your surprised failed, how about I give you guys my own surprise…”’what’s that “ they said excitedly” supriseeeeeeeeeee’ she yelled brandishing the kitchen knife..before you could say Jack Robinson, they had bolted out of the door
So here I was, laughing out loud. This was one hell of a surprise. I think they deserve each other I consoled my friend as I tried so hard to curtail my uncontrollable laughter. Then my phone rang. “Hello Miss Emeh” Yes , I answered with a smile. My name is James from HelloFoodNigeria and we have a package for you”. HelloFood? What’s that, I asked. “We are a food delivery website and we deliver meals to your doorstep. I was confused..I didn't ask for food. “’Ermmm ok, I’ll be there”. Anyway, I was hungry, and if someone made a mistake of sending a delivery to my house, that was his/her loss not mine..
I rushed over to my gate and saw an impeccably dressed delivery man with the package. He told me he was instructed by a client to bring my favorite meal to me .Thanking him, I took the package back in and opened it. I was blown away by the aroma and as I wondered who sent me this surprise, my phone rang..Picking up the call, I heard a familiar voice.”When I called earlier, you complained about being hungry, and though you declined my invitation for lunch, I thought it wise to have food delivered to you at home. Hope you don’t mind.”’?
Of course I didn't mind. As a matter of fact, half of the chicken was already gone” One more thing he continued” Yes “’ I said with my mouth half full “Will you ma… “ I cut him halfway through his sentence Marry you? Omg hope there wasn't a ring in this food which I have eaten…”’ he laughed out loud
.
“Nooo I meant will you make me your friend, though marrying you will be my dream come true””
I laughed out loud ” Of course I’ll be your friend as long as you keep this delivery constant.”’. Now this was one surprise I didn't mind.
"Who says the way to a woman’s heart isn't through her stomach "? I thought laughing at my friend who was still in shock over her surprise gone wrong.... Lol
Hahahahahahahahahhhahahaha na God go punish that guy and babe. See sense. So hilarious Emeh
ReplyDeleteMiss P the great. You won't kill me with laughter. I don't know how u get your inspiration to tell the most simple stories in a very hilarious and interesting manner. Good to know the way to your heart is through food. Simplicity pays
ReplyDeleteHahhaaaaa this realy got me cracking up.
ReplyDeleteWhat get u cracking up a non 00:17 is is the 1st,middle or last part?is is that u lack commenting skills or what ? well that was an aside back to the matter you rock miss Emeh nice way of describing a surprise gone wrong.feel it 100
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Lmao...i have test tomorrow..am here reading emehz blog n laughing ma ass off... what a big suprise..some peeps tho
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Hope say u go pass that test? This blog na my own comedy central. Funny peeps led by a funny petite lady
DeleteVery nice story line at first was thinking it is too much to read but as I was reading it really got my attention...Lovely concept
ReplyDeleteI came across your blog today and it is a nice job you have been doing.
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ReplyDeleteHmmm babes dis is Suppose to be funny but am not laffing Y? On ma bday 4 years ago I was grooving with ma friends n family around 2am I saw ma bestie siTting somwhere not dancing or talking to ani one, babes wassup now? She sald pls I need ur boifriend to take me somewhere, as in ma boi friend take u somewhere 2am? Dat she as to be somewhere very early so she needs to go , wat happend to ur Own boifriends car who is also @ d party she sald ehn ehn ehn ehn,I sald ok am sorry I love U but I also need ma man here, u won't believe it 7days later D guy told me she actually wanted them to Escape from d party so dey can go somewhere Else, since am very busy I may not notice, see friends ehnnnnn ur friend should free both of them no lele dey ll get wats coming to them. They deserve each other.
ReplyDeletelo surpriseeeeee she no do am well, she for wait make the bitch come house, then surprise her with beating.lol
ReplyDeleteLol thats why i will NEVER take a friend to my boyfriend'd house. Infact, she wont even know i have one .in other news,I love your diaries and the humourous way you tell them. You made a home delivery by Hellofood look out of this world.Now i yearn for it. Thats the power of your articles.thumbsup
ReplyDeleteFantastic Emeh!!
ReplyDeleteBestie ke? Me I don't have any best friend oo Bcos even me I don't even trust myself! I would rate this article 22/100 u tried small
ReplyDeleteWho asked you to rate it and how does your opinion matter,.Oloriburuku
DeleteLol
DeleteNice one Miss P..
ReplyDeleteAwwwwwa, poor thing waiting for a surprise..friends are something else
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loooool what a surprise. No carry your friend go your boyfriend's house. Shikena. In other news, MissP,u be shareholder for Hellofood? I wont mind a delivery oh,a way to a man's heart na through hin belle.
ReplyDeleteWow miss P . this write up is soo effing nice even Joan lacked insults to rain on you.btw, i need me a friend who would always deliver me some hello food at my door step and about your friend,tell her to make it rain on her fake bestie with a gallon of palm oil.
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha rolling on my bed laughing emeh you are one he'll of a story teller keep it up and sorry to your friend.
ReplyDeleteBruhahahahahahha I cant stop laughing.Hope she dumped the fool
ReplyDeleteNice 1
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Don't surprise a man. Period. Miss P, love ya
ReplyDeleteits the man that surprised her olodo! ode!!!
DeleteAs this woman talk of hello foods, to order just hungry me.
ReplyDeleteLoool Emeh one thing I love ur stories, u always end with a bang.the guy is hilarious, so he felt the best way to explain her friend's presence was to scream surprise? I also hope Hello food sees this coz I'm a customer. And I know a man can also capture a woman's heart by sending her food to the office, taking her out for dinner. Not asking her to cook everytime. Women appreciate that.
ReplyDeleteHe he he he he he abeg make I no tumble
ReplyDeleteEmeh hope say Hellofood pay u for this mention oh. I Don dey beg u to write about me u no gree. Ur story rocks
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Hey there! This post couldn't be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my old room mate! He always kept chatting about this. I will forward this post to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thank you for sharing!
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Misd P, I give u d award 4 d best writer of d year, u 2 much jareee #hugs
ReplyDeleteBoring write up as usual,'yawns'...goes back to playing scrabble.
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How won't it be boring when ur brain has been replaced with scrabble mtcheww
Deleteabeg no vex oh. what has cheating got to do with food na? two different stories and u ppl are saying wow she's able to tell a story effortlessly. miss emeh you wld have put this in 2 different posts.
ReplyDeletesecondly, ur saying that if the food was meant for someone else and it came to you, it that person's loss?? as in really? what if it was a bomb? what morals are you teaching ni?
i enjoy your blog oh dont get me wrong but you can do better. cheers.
U didn't get the connection because u didn't read it. U should know she always makes her writeups as light and playful as possible, so the issue of the food shouldn't be a source of worry. We all agree she is a fantastic writer so let her be
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ReplyDeleteBadbella yinkore! The food came the same time her friend was telling her the story you hear.and leave my emeh alone.
ReplyDeleteLwkm!!Emeh,U are a genius!!..I've been laughing hard,had 2 read d story slowly so that I could savour each line.Surprise bawo?..lol.
ReplyDeleteFantastico haters suck belle
ReplyDeleteI do not even understand how I ended up right here, however I believed this
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Emeh i so admire you and your talent.Please keep it up.This is your calling, do not change. You will someday be crowned queen of writing. MARK MY WORDS! Love the way you subtly hyped Hello Food..we know this things. Kudos
ReplyDeleteSurely they deserve each other. Nice piece by the way Emeh
ReplyDeleteYour so called best friend can be your worst enemy. My friend whom i ate in the same plate with was sleeping with my ex in my house and on my bed. eeeewww! Not all girls are bad but sometimes it is good to keep your serious boyfriend away from your female friends as not all of them are glad that you are in a steady relationship. All of a sudden that your man will be her greatest fantasy and won't stop trying if not chipped in the bud. The guy sef na another case entirely.
ReplyDeletehad me in stitches
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ReplyDeleteWhy ladies prefer a man who is already taken baffles me. Any lady who comes near my man is going straight to hell. Funny article
ReplyDeleteBuahaahhahhahaha @miss p... Nice one, U̶̲̥̅̊ gave me a good laugh...men r rili terrible.. Neva be to expectant with any men..as for dos saddist condeming this write-up, abeg emeh is nt d cos of ur problems oo
ReplyDeleteLmaooooo this is so funny..she for use hot oil for their head for surpriseeee
ReplyDelete