Blogger's Diary- Ramblings of an emotionless heart!

I looked into his eyes. Eyes which had captivated and intrigued me,eyes which had been as mysterious and revealing at the same time. Eyes which comforted and scared me,and I knew I wasn't going to look at them the same(with love)as I once did.
Taking a deep breathe,I opened the car door and stepped out. Back into a world where I was queen,a world where I wouldn't have have to share with no one
      How could I have had feelings for him in 3 weeks? I castigate myself. Didn't I swear off men and their intricacies?Hadn't I said no to men who were virtually at my feet?Why him? 
I met him after a long hiatus of single hood.As a matter of fact,I had resolved to remain that way.it started out with an innocent email which I sent,inviting him to join my linkedin network. What he didn't know was,I sent that same mail to all the 1,800 contacts on my address book. 
     But,he was the first to reply that mail,and so out of courtesy,I obliged him when he requested for my bb pin and phone no,which later culminated in a date.
      With no disrespect intended,joe was the first man who struck an intelligent conversation with me from the onset.he was indeed a highly intelligent and learned man .
We discussed everything from music,movies,culture,poetry,writing and main stream happenings. It was only natural that I liked him,the chemistry was too strong to ignore. He comforted me,he tutored me,he inspired me.He was my dream man. A quiet,reserved,handsome and intellectual man.
       Maybe I was wrong to have .....



over reacted when he showed the signs of unfaithfulness and disrespect.Maybe I was presumptuous in my belief that it would only be a matter of time before the skeletons fall out the cupboard.Maybe I should have worked this out after he apologized endlessly,maybe I should have turned a blind eye to the signs.Maybe I should have concentrated on his lovely charm,his smile,the way he slept,how he looked at me with so much passion and love
I should have embraced him when he came home late, when he went on for hours without calling me.Maybe I should have been that woman who kneels down days on end and prays to God to change her man.

Well, I'm not that woman.As I lay down on my bed and took in the familiar surroundings of my room which I hadn't been in for a couple of days, I realized how much I missed my old self,the solitude that comes with it,the joy of being an introvert.
Slipping under the covers,  I could hear him say"I don't know about love,but I do know I care deeply about you, I haven't felt this way in 2 years".
At this point, I realized, he wasn't the problem.I was.I was just being myself. An emotionless woman.