A reader sent this in yesterday... Would appreciate if you advice her..
Hi Emeh, I would love you get your readers' opinion on this issue.
I and my younger sister were having a talk with my mom this morning, then the issue of child molestation came up and we told her about a pastor that had molested both of us.
I and my younger sister were having a talk with my mom this morning, then the issue of child molestation came up and we told her about a pastor that had molested both of us.
Now this pastor is a very close family friend and my mom sees him as a very powerful man of God, I could say she looks up to him. Since my dad died, if anyone of us (her children) gives her any wahala, she goes straight to him so he could advise us, she also turns to him for advise when she needs any. The pastor has to an extent taken himself to be our father except he doesn't help financially and we don't expect him to. He over-plays his self-appointed role of being our father which pisses all of us off.
During the talk today, we told her about how unsatisfied we were about how she handled the matter and knowing my mom very well if it was someone else that molested us she wouldn't take the matter as gently as she has taken this one. She asked us what she should do about it.
I kinda understand the situation she is in, someone that you look up to so much doing something as silly as touching your kids in inappropriate places. A pastor for that matter. So my question now is if you were in my mom's situation, what would you do about it
PS: please don't think he has an affair with my mom, he doesn't . My mom just looks up to him and that's it.
He Def has an affair wiv ur mum.....dnt b blind to that! I'm certain.
ReplyDeleteThat was exactly my first thought but you never can tell.
Deleteexactly.
DeleteWithout minding whose ox is gored, we have to face the reality here, it's either the man has hypnotiesed ur mum, or he knows a secret about her and hold it against her, hence she can't question him. This is wrong in all ramifications and I advise you report the matter to your uncles or other reasonable relatives.!!! Fake men of God everywhere !!!
ReplyDeleteThe best thing for these girls is for them to take up this matter themselves nd deal with it their own way cos reporting to their uncles nd relatives will be like making everything worse.
DeleteU don't know how close they are to their uncles so telling dem might cause more harm dan good, like their image will be tarnished nd their family will be made mockery of (which might affect their chances of getting married).So let dem settle it themselves.! This is Africa.
@amy george I won't react further cos ur mum's reaction already made u understand hw much regard n trust she hs 4 d pastor. On d oda hand, he may b f'''''''kn ur mum aswell.
ReplyDeleteThat's so uncalled for. Ure so disrespectful.I just think the poster's mum has a dirty secret with the pastor. All these men of God sha!!
Delete@Maryam ewmeka is actually right,your kids can never come second to anything.
DeleteEmeka... get sense...
DeleteHello poster... The issue is that you were molested and your mom acted all cold to that.. but that's the way she ought to behave ...
Remain calm. she don't have to show feelings of anger, shock or horror. Children cannot always differentiate between anger at the abuser and anger towards him.
She obviously believed the story.. but gonna tell you girls it was not his fault and he did nothing wrong.
For your mom/public/mpn fans commenting about intimate relationship/secrets
It’s heartbreaking to find out your child was sexually abused. You may find that you are tempted to believe it didn’t happen, especially if the abuser is your partner, friend or relative. You may also be tempted to blame the child in your attempt to process the news. You may feel guilty for not protecting your child or angry at the abuser. It is a very difficult thing to face, but remember that you are the parent. As the parent, you are responsible for the well-being of your child and your child’s physical, mental and emotional health must be your focus. If you can’t deal with the emotional difficulty, go to therapy.
If someone you know has abused your child, you must choose allegiance to your child. It’s hard to believe someone you believe in/love could commit such a monstrous act, particularly on your own child. They betrayed your trust and your child’s. It is very painful to face, but do not allow your pain to keep you from acting. Take your child away from the abuser.
Your child trusts you to protect him. He trusts you to make the tough decisions and to shield him from harm.
Things you should know: What your protective mom may be feeling when the story was revealed. .( did she react in such ways?? If yes, she might be off from intimate relationship with the pastor..
1) Anger:
Rage toward the pastor, betraying her trust, deceiving and manipulating you girls.
Anger at the child for not telling sooner...
2) Guilt
Self-blame for not having seen what was happening in time to protect you girls (even when the pastor did all he could to keep it hidden).
2b) Guilt over believing /loving or caring about the pastor.
3) .Feeling extreme sense of isolation.
Remember if your mom really have some emotional feelings with the pastor, she wouldn't act quite with him.. knowing fully well that the pastor sleeps with her and about to do same with the children. She believes your story and wants some valid fact to put him up( the reason why she called you both for discussion). Sit with her... and develop other facts to pull the pastor down. .
He is sleeping with ur mum
ReplyDeleteHow do you know she doesn't have an affair with him? That's the only reason why a mother will keep quiet. When feelings are involved
ReplyDeleteSorry poster your mother and d pastor is having affair believe me I know what I am saying. As a mother she is suppose to angry with d pastor or even fight him for what he did but no she believes her might pastor and not her children?
ReplyDelete1. She is having affair with him that's why she is doing any about it.
2. Please stay away from d pastor u and sister if possible always make him feel uncomfortable specially before your mom.
All dis fake pastors everywhere I tire o.
That Enugu Chick
They both av something going on between them
ReplyDeleteI don't believe this story,,,,
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YES,its either your mum has an affair with the pastor or the pastor has something against your mum,as for you and your sister take him up by the horns,If your mum cant handle him find someone who will or do it yourselves
ReplyDeleteThe pastor nd ur mother both has a secret they need to protect..hence her reluctance.
ReplyDeleteJust ask her nd see wat she has to confess!
Bomb blast in bauchi
Deleteread it on janeofodile.blogspot.com.
We give so much respect to the so called men of God in nigeria that when they do something wrong we say dont judge men of God'.Who ordained them in the first place?Did anyone attend the ordained ceremony by God?Many of them go into pastoral to make a living.why will a pastor be call the richest man after amassing tithes and offering of congregation as his?
ReplyDeleteSomething is really wrong somewhere, how can a mother not react to such a thing. You and your sister should monitor your mum and the so called pastor, watch them closely u will surely see something.
ReplyDeleteThey are business partners and u and ur sister are the goods she supply to the fake pastor. Report this to any of close relatives and continue talking sense into ur mum. May God help u all
ReplyDeleteWoow, I didn't know people could be this stupid.
Deletea.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said...
ReplyDelete.
Only if i was ur brother, i would have put that son of a bitch in his place, and for ur mum, she is fucking up bigtym and yu should let her knw bcos tomorrow might be worse believe me.....
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***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***
With much respect my dear, The man öf God is shınnıng your Mother punanı no doubt.. My advıce, Report the matter to your uncles and other close relatıves that mıgh help.. Thank me later! IT İŞ WELL
ReplyDeleteIt is high time we realised man of God is a man who is vulnerable, and your mum needs to understand your view in this situation no matter how she trusts and confines in him. These days we have seen pastors tearing family togetherness and making the parents believe that the children are bad. Even at that, you must make your stand firm and let her know that you have been molested. Tell other family members to look into the matter. Finally stop attending the man's (fake pastor) church or prayer session.
ReplyDeleteI don't think the Pastor is having an affair with the Mother, according to the girl the Man in question is their spiritual father, what over-trust does at-times. I pray the mother believe them and to you children stay away from the man.
ReplyDeleteu are certain that ur mom is not sleeping wit him so here's wat I think, ur mum is have feelings for him since she has been single n she knows that overreacting will end the sense of warmth she feels n bring loneliness.
ReplyDeleteso darling give it time, then one day sit her down n tell her important she is to u then tell her how disappointed u are of how she handled the matter,make her feel guilty.if it does not work,start keeping things away from her n wen she ask,tell her u just don't trust her judgement........ kpakish
Darlwyn
I doubte if your mom is really having an affair with the pastor............because no mother before her own very eyes will want a man who sleeps with her sleep with her two lovely daughter or will want them molested by him.....single moms in situations like this are mostly brain washed to the extent that they worship the pastor than they are so supposed to worship God........I was a victim but never got molseted.....anything the pastor says his what my mom believes in........
ReplyDeleteHow old are you both......?if you both are still underage.......my advise to you girls his.....never seek personal advise from him(just like the way your mom does) if possible you both shouldn't attend his church service or go for his personal counseling....wen steps like this are taken if truely he molested you both for real his conscience will begin to heat up.......the bigger problem is your mom...I don't know how you girls would go about it.....but you most look for a way to convince her....
look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself this lie......my mom has nothing with this man
ReplyDeleteJust as you would tell yourself that you are not stupid *smiles*
DeleteI don't know what to say but that's strange
ReplyDeleteFor the molestation, there is no need to push it further because nothing will come out of it. Had it been your mother believed your story she should have cut ties with the man and stopped him from coming closer to her family. Therefore ,you and your sister should keep away from him, don't attend his church or go to him for any counseling, even when he comes to your house, keep him at a distance, he might start to feel uncomfortable and stop coming. As for your mum, her feelings are involved that's why she can't confront him.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry bout the abuse u n ur sister went through.
ReplyDeleteWomen pls take care of your daughters, real family members abuse talkless of One pastor.
God will save us from these fake men of god and he will be leading a congregation o.
About your mum. You guys have to talk to her more. Ask her that will that be her reaction if your father was alive?
Let her know u are calling a family meeting n see her reaction.
Stockfish pastor
ReplyDeleteLadies shouldn't have any close relationship with these so called pastors ooo..... Babe (poster) you and your sister should cut him off totally cos I sense you don't have the power to do anything to him. And keep eye on your mum's movements very well should in case(I know you trust your mum but for confirmatory reasons) then leave him to God
ReplyDeletema dearest same as ur in denial about d possibility of ur mamas affair,is same sh*** as ur mamas denial in accepting if trully ds pastor could do smtn so cruel..so here is d deal its possible he shanking ur mum(no offence) or she jst doesnt know what to do in situation like dis..u guys re not kids anymore, dnt blame ur mama, but find a way to drive d point staright to her.. ds is 2014.. der re devices u cud use to prroove ur point 4 heaven sake but b redy to handle any response 4rm ur mother...goodluck
ReplyDeleteSo you all have sex with that person you trust and confide in?
ReplyDelete