Bloggers Diary- My true story of love, lust and... an unusual marriage

"Emeh you are a married woman. Thank God I no do anything with you oh! My close male friend said as he reeled of laughter..
Am I really married? Could a spur of the moment action I took 9years ago be legally binding?

It all started like this...

Sometime in 2004, at 19...my beloved late dad and I were at loggerheads. Reason? I was inlove with someone. ( I choose not to mention his name)This someone was my everything. He had nurtured me from the early age of 17, when we just met and it metamorphosed into love.
I didn't have any problem when he indicated he was going to get married to me. I couldn't see myself living without him.
He was a certified Jos big boy and my dad would frown whenever he parked one of his exotic rides outside our compound. My dad had watched the relationship grow and nurtured a plan to separate us atleast to stop me from getting married so early.

"Emeh, do you know the plans I have for You"? You are not meant to marry a businessman but a minister or President of a country(Amen), a learned man who has pedigree".
I would laugh out loud. I didn't care about that, My business oriented boyfriend was it.

Our relationship was too good to be true, he spoilt me silly and then " HE BEAT ME Silly".
At first, it was a light shove, then a slap, later it metamorphosed to a punch and then breaking chairs on my back( Yes! my spinal cord is still intact).
After every bout of beating, He would drive me around town to the best restaurant in Jos, he would buy me expensive gifts, cry and promise never to lay his hands on me ever again.
I would forgive him ( I wasn't going to leave anyway) and we would continue our blissful and faithful relationship.
Something was peculiar about our relationship. I dressed the way he wanted me to dress, walked the way he wanted and talked the way he wanted. I had no friends and he would fight whenever I spent too much time with my family. However, I mistook it for love. Needless to say, he never cheated on me. I know many rolled their eyes at this thought but I tried all the tricks in the book to catch him. He came out clean. I tested him with my friends, strangers, placing strange earrings by the bed and a whole lot. He just didn't fall for it.
Our relationship was cheat proof or so I thought.


It happened on a beautiful evening sometime in 2004, a new Internet cafe had just opened and it was situated close to the University of Jos. I decided to stop by and open an email address which I had no idea about.
I walked in to the cafe filled with students and those who would later become yahoo gurus, then I saw him. He was staring at me as I requested for a 2hr ticket. He gave it to me and directed me to an unoccupied system. I sat and told him what I wanted to do. He helped me open my email address which had my boyfriend as my surname.
Then i was Introduced to yahoo messenger and before I knew it, I was in a chat room chatting with unknown people and I loved it.
However, one chat buddy stood out. He was downright sexual with me, no man had flirted with me like that. My boyfriend wasn't exactly into whirlwind romance. He was a perfect gentleman. So I found myself falling for this stranger.. After reluctantly logging off, I was about to leave when Ed turned to me and asked if I enjoyed chatting, i told him i did. He also asked if I met anyone interesting, I told him about a guy I met who's name was strawberry /Chocolates. He smiled
The next day, I couldn't wait to come online. I rushed over to Ed's cafe and i felt the same surge of emotions as I said Hi to him. Leaning over my shoulder, he unlocked my system, giving me lots of free browsing time. As soon as I logged on, ED disappeared and i started chatting with strawberry man. Little did I know, strawberry man was ED. I figured out when, my strawberry man always seemed to stop chatting whenever ED came to inspect the users, and as soon as he went back to his office, strawberry man resumed chatting.
After that revelation, i kicked things off with ED. It was only natural, he took me to any realm ( literally) and for the first time, I saw my dreams, my future with my boyfriend, a man I loved deeply going down the drain. I couldn't stand him. He irritated me and I pitied him.
Meanwhile, I didn't tell ED about him because I presumed I was going to break up with my boyfriend soon.
Ed was the definition of young wild and free. He was Intelligent, an IT guru and was a fantastic programmer. I felt that was where I belonged. As expected, people were jealous of our relationship, girls especially, oh how girls loved him. I was proud he was mine.

Then, my beloved dad noticed a change and it scared him. I was now reckless, i didn't care, I went out at odd times, I sneaked out at nights. And he knew he had had enough. He had to clip my immature wings. He had to separate me and who he knew as my boyfriend. What he didn't know Was" There was someone else in my Life" Someone who was responsible for my new attitude and that person wasn't the boyfriend he knew. Infact, i had told my boyfriend off and though he didn't let go, in my mind, I had let go.

So, it came as a shocker when one month after meeting ED, i gained admission to study Public Administration in UNIJOS and my dad said " You are going to Cameroon"
I was like really? For holiday Right"? He said " to school. I've decided you should study in Cameroon. Besides I wanted you to read Law, they didn't give you Law and now I've gotten admission for you to study Law inthe University of Buea".

I froze. He couldn't do this to me. Separate me from Ed. I wasn't going to survive it. "I'm not going dad. I'm staying here in Jos"
"Then you stay on your own. Because I would denounce you as my child"..
I went over to break the sad news to ED, and we cried( did he? Can't recall) .Anyway we cried and it was on a chilly raining evening. ED proposed to me " will you marry me Emeh Achanga"? I said "Yes I Will ED" we thought of going to a pastor to seal our union but there was no time and a lot involved so,we decided to get hitched online. A marriage site.

With that covenant, i was Cameroon bound and yes, it took 3 months for us to breakup. He was just to busy to call me and was always busy when I called.
So I forgot about my online husband. I forgot about the tears, the lust, the love. It was an experience which changed my perception about life, choices and love. I craved for the gentle and calm emotions which I felt for my ex boyfriend, a man I dumped for ED. Needless to say, he forgave me, acknowledging the fact that I needed to spread my wings and experience other things... and we continued our relationship


That said and done... 2 weeks ago, ED who is now doing well for himself, emailed me.. He said he just found a happy anniversary message from the site we got hitched on and the interesting part is " What we did was Legal" I laughed it off but quickly went online and read it could be legal " so I've been married for 9yrs "? Wow my marriage lasted.
So, i contacted a lawyer for advise and after laughing for 30 secs he asked if the marriage was consummated (seriously?)
But I've been advised to get a divorce (haha haha) thinking about it makes me laugh. I never dreamt of being married let alone divorced, meanwhile, my errm,,husband,lives in Kenya so no show..

Anyway, I wrote this to show how sometimes we take decisions without thinking of the future consequences. But all these experiences make us better in future.

Will I do what I did given what I know now? I can't. That's life. That's the diary of a married and soon to be divorced blogger..lolz