Sunday, 28 October 2012

Diary of an embarrassed blogger

It wasn't a perfect day. I started out with a migraine, my phone’s battery was low, and the generator had packed up. It was the Headies and I had planned on making a memorable entrance on the red carpet.
I just bagged 4 nominations at the Nigerian Blog awards, including the highly coveted blog of the year. What a better way to celebrate. I had thought up possible questions. Can we know you? And then my answers. Proud moment



I had narrowed my choices to three rumpled dresses. The only problem was, there was no electricity and I hoped Nepa would restore it. By 4pm, I started to get worried, by 5 pm, panic set in. By 5:30pm all hopes of ironing my rumpled clothes was dashed, so, my friend & 1 rummaged through my clothes like two mad women, searching for an alternative.

We settled for a peach colored skirt, a peach rumpled top which I planned to explain to everyone that, that was just the latest trend. Slathering on tons of makeup, splashing all sorts of perfumes..I looked into the mirror and it screamed hot. I was a stunner.

I was just about to call a pal to drop us off when my phone’s battery drained and shut down.”Great” I yelled. Now, we were cut off and I couldn’t even retrieve the number. After waiting for 1 hour, and cursing the generation of invisible PHCN officials, it was now 7pm so we decided to get a cab.

We didn’t anticipate waiting for an empty cab for close to an hour. The dust from the un-tarred road had settled on us .The perfume we wore had evaporated from our bodies, our makeup wearing out, our shoulders once high, were now hunched.” perfect, perfect” I muttered.

Then we saw an empty cab and hopped in, to my delight, the cab driver had a phone charger which I put to use. I thought of calling the lady who had my tickets to intimate her about our movements, but waived it off to first salvage what was left of my appearance. Slathering on more lipstick, mascara, brushing my hair, spraying on more perfume. I wasn't too bad.”I bet we’ll be on the best dressed list”I reassured my friend who smiled back.

That was short-lived as we drove into the Eko Hotel premises, the array of beautiful ladies, stunning gowns, well made up faces, the wisp of expensive perfumes told me, I had to try harder to even get a picture taken on the red carpet. All my hopes of hearing the question”OMG! What are you wearing” was dashed. I was just one of the ladies in a mini skirt.

Alighting from the cab, we got a few stares from men”Men always stare” so that did nothing to increase my wavering confidence.
Then I thought of calling the lady with the tickets and it hit me, in a bid to charge, I had forgotten my phone in that cab. For a few seconds, we were in a confused state we watched him drive out sight. Thinking of calling the number, I recalled I switched it off to charge faster.

Damn! I let out a loud scream “wait “! Everyone turned in my direction. Then I saw him at the security post of the gate, I broke into a run hampered by my uncomfortable 6 inch heels. On a 2nd thought, I stopped to take them off, flung them at my confused friend and broke into a sprint to the dismay of everyone .I ran down jumping over cars in my short skirt, bumping into people. I heard some1 yell” Miss Petite” What a way to launch my career, I didn’t care, if this man left with my phone, my career would be dead anyways. I was too late.

The noise droned out my screams for the security man to stop him. I watched the cab pick up speed as he drove out of sight. Like a robot, I kept chasing him out of the hotel. I must have chased him for 1 minute before it hit me. My phone, my contacts, my life was gone, in that 2,500 paid cab.“Oh my God! The tickets “There was no way of getting the tickets.

I just stood there watching all the exotic ladies pass me by. The shock on their faces when they saw my disheveled appearance and bare feet said it all. I was doomed. A guy walked past and said” You look sexy baby” when he noticed I wasn’t wearing shoes, he recoiled (probably thought I was a pretty mad girl)
Then it hit me, i didn't even backup my contacts Thinking my friend would come and meet me with my shoes, I was mistaken because she decided to wait at the lobby, praying the cab man would notice the phone and turn around to where he dropped us off.

Taking a 3 minutes’ walk of shame back to the lobby, I saw the stars pass us by. All these stars I blog about. They all looked glamorous. We prayed some 1 would come to our rescue.That didn’t happen as time ticked and passed by. It was nearing 10:30 and everyone had gone to the red carpet to take pictures.
We were now with the others” Those people who hang around events hoping to get in free during the closing performance”
At that point in time, we decided to leave and go back home. While the last people trickled in, we were the only ladies walking out.
We got a cab home and I slept all Sunday, mourning the loss of my phone  and of course not witnessing Burna Boy's fall 1st hand at the Headies.
At about 5 pm, I got a call. Emeh, your phone is ringing. A man picked up and said he’s been trying to get across to you. OMG!I jumped out of bed, dialed my number and yes ,it was the cab man  He found my phone and asked me to come get it. In Lagos?

Fast-forward to an hour later, there I was with my blackberry , saying a prayer for this honest Nigerian, I said’ fuck the Headies”
Of course,I didn't mean that. lol


If ur in Lagos and need a RELIABLE cabman,pls call 08167570624 .This man returned my Blackberry a day after I forgot it in his cab(on sat)


46 comments:

  1. OMG!!YOU ARE BEAUTIFULLL SHET!

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  2. Ofkoz u don't mean to hell wif d headies, I mean who wudnt want to be there..hehe. Sorry dear, I can almost feel ur pain sha. Sure running and coming back without ur shoes wudda been one of ur most embarassing moments, but I'm damn sure dat guy didn't think of u as a mad woman, lolz, but maybe a confused one...*sticks out tongue* just joking wif ya. That Cab driver tho, in Lagos, a torch for dat matter, hin try gan oh. Hope say u tip am small thing sha.
    #Okbye

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  3. You are a great writer and thank God you found your phone. God bless the good Cab man

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  4. hahahahahahaahaha what an embarrassment. But u fine sha so no qualms. Im guessing that is the rumpled peach top you wore..
    Lol nice blog

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  5. Did this really happened to you?so funny and pathethic

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  6. Hey am the cab man and if u guys like my sincerity follow me on twitter @somto_j

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    1. At Somto, lol. lie lie!!
      At Emeh, lwkmd! i can only imagine hw badly u wld have needed ur shower that nyt. lol. pele swty. fuk d headies really. lol

      www.LailaIkeji.com

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  7. Looool... Miss petite cray day... Its funny for us reading this now, buh I can imgaine what you went through nd how u felt..... Sorry, thank God u found ur fone.... *kisses*

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  8. stands up ,claps for your creative skill,sits down and prays you win the future awards as the best Nigerian creative writer.
    YOU ARE GOOD!BEAUTY&BRAINS!TUALE

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  9. Looool miss petite cray day.... Its funny to us reading dis now,buh I can imagine what went through and how u felt... Sorry n thank God u found ur fone God bless d cabman..... Kisses petite*

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  10. loooool sorry i cant stop laughing coz I think I saw you that night jumping over cars..to think I laughed not knowing it was my very own favorite blogger Miss P forgive me.Lol

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  11. beautifully written.I cant stop laughing

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  12. Eehya sorry dear.. I must confess, you are very pretty and a good writer as well. Very intelligent and beautiful. #hugs#

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  13. OMG:Road block for Brazilian Hair,Indian Hair or even Animal hair,abeg make i no bite my tongue;Eme u re looking so Mnua!.Alots happens for a reason but believe me some Nigeria are stil of good heart.

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  14. What are u writing?Is it by force to write?2nd Tonto dikeh deceiving urself writing bullshit

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    Replies
    1. wow!anon 17:00 ur are the true definition of a hater.Keep it up.

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    2. @ anon 17:00,i hope u r not crippled o, cos u sound that fustrated.How will u know what she is writing when u nor know good thing? hiss.... Ewu gambia!

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    3. Anon 17:00,u're d true definition of "BAD BELE"!!!n I'm very sure u culdn't read it due 2 ur illiteracy dts y u're here tryin 2 insult our very own miss petite,u beta be warned!no1 forced u 2 read d story or comment."Miss I MUST BE BELONG",u even had d guts 2 compare her 2 tonto dike huh?go get a life plsssss.MONICA.

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    4. Am forced 2 believe dis is a fellow BloggeR...whAt a Fool u are...Habba!!! Some pple are...SMH

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  15. Eeya, did u win any award. So sad u missed d show. U r just too sincere

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  16. nice nice nice.What a way to spend my day(laughing)ur pweety too

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  17. laff wan kill me. nice way to spend ur day.

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  18. love u miss petite #nohomo
    I literally ad a video of the incident playing in my head.

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  19. ur such a cutie! nice write up!

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  20. Good Story weda na lie or not e sweet. ...#sipsZobo

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  21. You are a very good writer and a good story tellet.keep it up

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  22. You are a good story teller and a good writer.keep it up

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  23. Emeh,me love u too. #nohomo# *wide smile*

    Nice write up as always, a lot of lessons to be learnt, so glad we can find honest people.i have his number,will always patronize him when in town.

    Lovely pics,hope i get to meet you very soon.

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  24. awwww, i see all of you.ur comments made my day.BRB to reply and insult those who need to be insulted.lol rock. Omolara love u to #homo# dey lol
    Ety

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  25. Nice one dear
    Don't worry you will shine at the next award because your blog is amazing
    I pray god reward the cab man for his honesty !!!!!

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  26. lol @ missing burna boy's fall.This is really good.lol

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  27. I luv u like crazy #Misspetiterock

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  28. Yeeeeeeeeeee ! At last our dear Emeh put up her picture ! Nice one ! My dear , its well with you ! Remember every disappointment is a blessing ! You time to shine is coming up soonest ! But NOTE : allways get ready for any function 2-3days before . Iron n display all you need days before the d-day to make things easier for you . And since you re not mobile , arrange for a cool airconditioned cab to pick you up an hour befor tine . So sorry for what you passed tru . Also God bless the cab guy! Bless you . . . Isabella .

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  29. Lwkmd!!! This really happened?thot twas one of my short paper-back stories.I can imagine cool,calm&collected Emeh doing all this.*trust me d video isn't lookin 2gd* its. Well dear,nice piece.hv an amazing day,lilian

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  30. Nice write up dear,u're definitely goin places!!!kip up d good work*muaaaah*Monica.

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  31. Wow!!! u re such a gud writer, i luv ur write up.. u re going place i must say, and u re hell of a pretty girl..

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  32. u luk so pweety and i luv ur write ups kip it, the Lord is ur muscle lol!!!!

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  33. can u add up ur reader on ur bb? I nid a reply

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  34. I just love you Emeh and i love u and i love u #Nohomo.

    http://frances-diaries.blogspot.com

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  35. Awwwwww Emeh poor u, thamk God for the cab man. It pays to be honest.

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  36. Hahahahahahaa!
    This sounds a lot like what can happen 2 me. Its a pisces thing I guess. Ur write ups are the reason I open ur blog err'tym,not even d stories. U add a twist that thrills readers who get ur sense of humour.
    Kudos hun,will keep voting weneva derz a need 2 cos u deserv all em awards.

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  37. o dearie,what a pity in a fun way sha,and your write up and sincerity is just amazing.wish you success

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  38. hahahahahahhahaha

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  39. Greetings! Very helpful advice in this particular post!
    It is the little changes that make the biggest changes.
    Thanks for sharing!

    Here is my site picking up girls online

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  40. Your style is unique in comparison to other people I have read stuff from.
    Thanks for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I'll just bookmark this site.

    Feel free to surf to my page: get my ex girlfriend back tactics

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